Holy smokes—I have a three month old! (… is basically what I say to myself every time I’ve woken up for the past 3 months….) It’s been an absolute whirlwind. Here are some of the random thoughts that have been floating around it my head the last few months.
Reflections on labor
I was so confused about my very fast labor and delivery that (no surprise) I spent some time reading about fast labor. It turns out, if your labor from first contraction to birth is less than 3 hours (which mine was, just barely, if you don’t count my early off and on contractions), there’s an actual term for it—precipitous birth. And it’s uncommon with a first, more common with second and later kids (no surprise).
I had a very easy labor with my first. In fact, he was almost accidentally born at home because I labored at home so long, I didn’t realize I was in the pushing phase until my doula showed up at our house and had me see if I could feel his head. (I could.) We hightailed it to the hospital and he was born around 14 hours after I went into labor. I’m not saying it wasn’t painful, but I handled it.
As I talked about in my last post, with my second, I experienced a little prodromal labor (light and far apart contractions that started and stopped) early in the day. I’ve read these can ready the cervix, and it sounds like quite a few women who have precipitous birth had them. At 4:30pm, after hours of nothing, my water broke. By 4:45 I had my first contraction, and 5 mins later another pretty strong one. Something told me labor was going to be fast (my mom had a 14+hr labor with me and had my younger brother in just 3 hours) so we went to the hospital ASAP. After we got there, got checked in, got assessed, etc, it was around 6 and I was 3-4cm dilated, 80% effaced. So I think the staff thought it was going to be a while. After getting to my room, my contractions started getting really really strong. When doc showed up (around 7?) I told her I wasn’t sure I could keep going. She checked me and I was 9cm. I started pushing soon after and he was born at 7:40, just under 3hrs from my first (real) contraction.
My second labor was far, far harder. My husband confirmed what I felt—I was in far more pain the second time. (One time I literally just screamed bloody murder, threw up so hard my nose bled, and in my final push screamed GET HIM OUT!) Hubby said he was scared during second labor, but not first, and he was very surprised how tired I was in the pushing phase of the second compared to the first. And I had a small first degree tear with my first (2hrs of pushing), but a second degree tear with my second (maybe 10 pushes?).
Consistent with what I’ve read from other women—faster doesn’t necessarily mean easier.
Not only that, but I STILL remember my second labor. With my first, those lovely “forgetful” hormones kicked in while I was still at home. I remember almost nothing from when I was in labor at the hospital. But I could write a novel about my second. I think it was too fast for those lovely hormones—or the ones that combat the pain!—to kick in.
Anyway, I’m not unhappy about my labor, I just gave it a lot of thought because it was so different from my first. With my first I had an idea of how I wanted things to go, but knew you can’t always plan. And then things pretty much went according to plan. With my second, I expected it to be like my first, and was left a little out of sorts when things were not as expected. It just goes to show you can’t always plan things. (My new motto.)
Recovery
With my firstborn, I was up and at ‘em right away. It was a point of pride that I took him for a walk like the first day we were home. But my doula and her team recommended resting for at least a week after baby was born, noting that your poor body went through a fair bit of trauma! That, and I feel like my recovery… down there… from my tiny first degree tear last time with a single stitch took a while, and this time I had a second degree tear with several stitches. So this time, my first week I barely even got out of bed. Hubby or my dad brought me my meals on a tray, and I just rested and slept and loved on my baby. And did a sitz bath every day with the pre-made herbs I put together. It was nice, until….
Baby
He’s WONDERFUL. Such a lovey happy joyous little man! He was born at 39 weeks, over 8lbs, and was the picture of health. And his first week of life he slept like 5+hrs per stretch each night, and like 22hrs a day overall. We won the baby lottery!
Or so we thought until we took him to his one week appointment.
Our pediatrician, who never gets worked up about ANYTHING, was like, holy smokes, this baby is almost a pound below his birth weight! You’re killing him!!! (Okay, that’s not what he said exactly, but that’s what I heard.) It turns out it’s NOT good for a newborn to sleep that long at night, or to sleep quite that much during the day. Our little baby was starving, and the starvation was making him borderline jaundiced. And he was sleepy because he had no energy. Because he was starving. (Again, I wrongly assumed it would be as easy as last time.)
Hoo boy did I FREAK the F OUT. I felt so terrible. (And became worried that something else might be wrong. I spent my nights googling metabolic disorders and sobbed at the pediatrician’s office on at least one occasion.)
So, like everything, we tackled this problem with zeal. Every 3 hours (or more) I would nurse him. Then I would pump for 10 minutes. Then we would feed him the pumped milk. (Some people call this triple feeding. I call it the seventh ring of hell.) We did this for WEEKS. And then I had an appointment with the doctor, or the lactation consultant, just about every day for a weigh in. (The lactation consultant open house might be one of the saddest places around—dead-eyed moms and skinny babies everywhere.) We celebrated the oz gained here and there. Of course I was completely exhausted, and felt like my nipples were going to fall off, and threatened to turn to formula on more than one occasion. (Breast isn’t best—fed is best.) But slowly he and I figured things out. My doctor and lactation consultant both said that there’s something magical about a baby getting back to its birth weight. (Which my oldest did in 5 days!!) And, just shy of his one month birthday, my second born got there too. And it WAS magical!!! He started acting a lot more alert, and doing a much better job nursing, and we phased out the bottles and the 8 (!!!) pumping sessions a day. (I’m down to 2 pumps a day now, just to stockpile milk before returning to work…. I think I have at least a month’s supply.) And my chubby newborn turned skinny, jaundiced 1 week old is now a chubby three month old. (My husband proudly points out his “thunder thighs” at least once a day.)
Unfortunately, my once great sleeper is now not so good. The last couple of weeks he’s been waking up 4 or more times a night, and has been refusing to nap unless held. My husband just keeps mumbling “this isn’t normal” under his breath, and I am too tired to talk at all. I noticed that little man’s been drooling and chewing on his hands, so yesterday I pulled up his upper lip (much to his displeasure) and noticed two massive front teeth coming in!! WTF?? My oldest got his first tooth right around a year—the bottom one most kids get. How in the world do I have a three month old getting in two front teeth?! My poor baby is obviously in pain, but he’s just such a cheerful little thing you wouldn’t even notice most of the time. (He used to wake up from naps super happy. Now he cries. Poor thing!)
But he’s otherwise wonderful. Happy, healthy, good eater. (Sometimes TOO happy. He’ll be nursing, look at me, and then lose his latch because he’s smiling so hard. I’ve never met a happier baby.) I’m hopeful my good sleeper will return soon.
Recovery part 2
After I almost murdered my baby in cold blood (or so it felt like I was accidentally doing in those early days), I threw my recovery out the window. Which was too bad, because I really should have done some more sitz baths. Just before my 6 week appointment, I felt like things were not healing like they should be—I felt a pinching and it just felt off. I was worried that my stiches had come apart, or I had healed wrong, or something else terrible that was going to require reconstructive surgery… or worse, that I would be disfigured forever.
Yea, I don’t overreact at all.
The good news is that, at my six week appointment, I was not declared defective and I did not have to do a consult with a plastic surgeon. One of my stiches inexplicably did not dissolve and was causing pain. The nurse yanked it out, told me to wait a week, and then I was free to resume normal activities.
Since then, I’ve started exercising again, and my pelvic floor has been strong enough that I’m even running again! Of course, I’m still TWENTY FIVE pounds about my pre-pregnancy weight at three months postpartum (with my son it was around ten—having babies pushing 40 is hard, y’all!). But I’m hopeful it will (eventually mostly) come off. I was super skinny when I got pregnant, so I’m not expecting to get all the way down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I’ll feel a lot better when I’ve lost another 10-15.
My six year old recently said to me, “you’re not fat. Well, you are but it’s not your fault because you had a baby. So no one can call you fat.”
Thanks buddy.
In theory I would be back at work now, but I extended my leave through September and thank goodness—I’m a zombie. I feel so bad for women who have no choice but to return to work before they are ready, and so grateful I have the luxury of taking the time I want. (Another perk of being an older mom--$$$ in the bank!)
Things I’ve Googled at 2am
“precipitous labor more painful” (I’m not the only one who thinks so!): https://community.babycenter.com/post/a31048983/dealing_with_the_pain_of_precipitous_labor?cpg=6#
“precipitous labor rare” (Not really! Only 6% of first time moms, but more than 20% of repeat customers—several of my friends (and my mom!) had fast later labors): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4285060/
“Accidentally starving newborn” (Fed is Best): https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/kavinsenapathy/2016/09/27/beware-of-accidentally-starving-your-breastfed-newborn/amp/
“Extreme pumping” (sucks): https://happyhomefairy.com/extreme-pumping-tips-and-tricks/
“Tongue tie” (one lactation consultant suggested clipping his frenum, my pediatrician did not think it was a good idea and I’m so glad we didn’t): https://www.breastfeeding-problems.com/tongue-tied.html
“How to wake a sleeping baby to feed” (in the early days we had to put ice cold rags on his bare skin to keep him awake. Our pediatrician recommended squeezing his foot until it hurt – I couldn’t bring myself to do it): http://cindyandjana.com/waking-baby-to-feed/
“Tips for increasing milk supply” (I did take some herbs recommended by my lactation consultant):https://kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/low-supply/
“Baby asymmetrical blinking” (normal): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3327295/
Things still keeping me awake at night
SIDS. Apparently it peaks around 3 months, so we’re being hyper vigilant. I’ve read all about the risk factors, and removed all the ones that I can. He’s breastfed. He sleeps in our room, in a bassinet next to our bed, without any covers, pillows, stuffed animals, etc., and on his back. We keep the room at a safe temperature—not too hot!—and run a fan. He sleeps in a sleep sack (even swaddles can be a risk!). We don’t smoke, nor is he exposed to it, and I don’t do drugs or drink heavily. (Although I do treat myself to a glass of wine after I get him down at night.) We try to give him a binky but (unlike his brother) he hates it. The one thing we do occasionally is co-sleep. I don’t want to (because SIDS!!!) but sometimes he just refuses to sleep unless he’s next to me. I talked to the pediatrician, and he said it’s never recommended, but our risks are super low and we have to do what we have to do to sleep. He’s also started rolling over to his side when he sleeps, which causes me consternation, but I can’t stand over him and flip him each time it happens.
Closing thoughts
Holy smokes—I have a three month old! It’s unbelievable. It feels like I won the lottery and I wasn’t even playing.
But I have so many friends who are still struggling. One friend who got pregnant super easily with her first two just lost her third pregnancy. She was totally devastated because it was so unexpected. Another just did a third round of IVF and lost a third pregnancy. There are no answers why. It’s particularly devastating because it wasn’t completely unexpected. Another friend just started her IVF journey after years of trying without any success. I love all of them and wish them success, and it makes my heart hurt to look at my little miracle and think about all of the other women who don’t have what I do.
This was meant to be a fertility blog, limited to my ruminations on my two week wait. Obviously it’s expanded into much more than that! I’ll keep posting from time to time. (Especially if there’s another accidental pregnancy! Ha! Just kidding, that’s NOT happening.)
Thanks again for all of the support!!
