I confess—I haven’t allowed myself to fully invest in this pregnancy until recently. I know it’s not fair to the little guy, but I can’t help it. It’s not even a conscious decision. I guess it’s just a coping mechanism because I really don’t know how I would handle a bad outcome. But I can’t live my life always worrying about the worst. So, lately, I’m allowing myself to get excited.
Last week hubby and I finally sat down to discuss baby names (nothing chosen yet, but narrowed down) and that exercise made it feel very real. And my friends threw me a little (actually, it was kinda big!) baby shower. Opening up the gifts (which were mostly insanely expensive baby outfits, as I’ve outfitted myself with the necessities) also made this feel real. Like, I’m most likely going to have another kid by mother’s day!
And my appointments have been good, adding to the confidence of a good outcome. My BPP this week was good. He’s still super duper active (a good sign!) and all vitals look good.
And I’m starting to get really, really uncomfortable. I feel like there’s a bowling ball between my legs, which there pretty much is. Apparently he’s sitting low. And I have been getting up about 3 times a night to pee. And my hips hurt. And my back hurts. And my feet are tired. And swollen. And I’m just generally tired. (And generally swollen!) So not only am I excited to meet this kid, but my body really wants to be done!
So, despite our history and the fact that this still feels unreal, I really am starting to get excited. (At times, though, I still can’t believe I’m pregnant. Like I might wake up and it’s all a dream.)
We’re getting close! I could have a baby any day now!
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